D*#k in a Sock

WARNING: Strong Language

Pretty sure I wouldn’t want to put my junk in any of those dirty White Sox.

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Zambrano Meltdown

I knew that there was a reason for his breakdown on the South Side.  The media wanted you to believe it was caused by some sort of angst with the team.  Man, I did not think these words were that harsh, I guess Zambrano was very sensitive that day.  C’mon Carlos, you can deal with a stumbling White Sox fan!

This is why I could never be a professional athlete, way too much pressure and taunting. If someone taunted me I would either break down and cry or seek revenge.  If revenge was my answer, I would chuck the ball in hopes of shutting him up.  The problem is I am not a professional athlete.  I would miss the guy, and with my luck probably hit a baby!

Victoria Secret’s Models Chicago Baseball Fans?

Even though one of us is Cubs fan, and the other a Sox fan, I think we can both agree we would drop our loyalties in a heart beat if it meant being with either one of these ladies.  I don’t even care that their from South Africa and don’t know anything about baseball.  I can teach them.  I’m a good teacher.  So let it be known Candice and Behati, even though you might think I’m out of your league, don’t be too shy to ask about my baseball knowledge.

Chicago Cubs Beer Dude

Very, very impressive.  This dude has to get all the chicks at Wrigley with that move.  I literally never saw him pick up the cup.  It was just “BAM”, and the beer was being poured.  At least this guy adds some flare to the whole beer buying process.  It almost makes it worth $7.50 for a beer.  Almost.  Although, the beer guy might have competition with this guy:

Cubs Etch-A-Sketch

How awesome is this guy.  The only thing I can make on an Etch-A-Sketch is squiggly lines.  While I’m totally impressed, I can’t help but get the urge to shake it all up.  How mad would you be if someone did that after you created a piece of art worthy of the Art Institute?  I also get the urge to knock over an intricate domino setup, a house of cards, and sand castles.  I think I’m a jerk.

Kruk Predicts Cubs Fate in 2010

Did ESPN try to be funny? I thought that was illegal on their network.    I don’t mean Stuart Scott funny, because he tries so hard but isn’t.  Those east coast lovers should stick to what they’re best at, bowing down to the Yankees, Red Sox, and Duke.

This must be why Kruk makes the big bucks.  Oh wait, any Cubs fan could have told you they weren’t going to win this year, no matter how bad we wanted it.  Now that I have watched Kruk and all his glory, I suddenly have the urge to gorge myself with Portillo’s.  How Bizarre?

Tooth Extraction

Now this how you remove a tooth.  I used to do it the old fashioned way and just wiggle the darn thing with my fingers for days, until eureka, it finally popped out.  Then I would put underneath my pillow and get a quarter.  Which back in my day, was some serious cash to spend at the penny candy store.  This kid probably got a dollar because of inflation.

I wonder if the Cubs could use this method and get rid of Fukudome and his gigantic contract by putting him on a rocket and blasting him off to space.  It would be nice to get the get Colvin some more playing time.  A cockpit wouldn’t even be needed on the rocket for Kosuke.  Let’s just tie him to the side and launch it.